i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
