taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
