I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
