The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
