and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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