She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
