The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
