i permit you to call me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
