i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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