I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
