I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
