I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
