I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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