I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Randomize
