fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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