I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
