she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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