Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
