I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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