it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
