rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
