dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
