Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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