just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
