matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish you could order shots online.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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