dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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