dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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