you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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