I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
