well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
