I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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