the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
