i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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