dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
