I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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