i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
