I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
