it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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