If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
