The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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