So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
