It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
