Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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