I could make wine with my vomit
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Everclear isn't food dammit
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
