Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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