Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
