I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
