i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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