Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
