well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
