Just cropdusted the office
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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