No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
