please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
