Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
