She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
