I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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