I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
