This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
