I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
