Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
