drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
