Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
