i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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