i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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