So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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