I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
